Mattism #40

They were gettin all DOS on my ass, telling me about semicolons and shit

Mattism #39

That's totally like a black guy. Date a white chick that looks like a black chick. I think she's got butt-tox!

Mattism #38

The funniest thing happened yesterday! My girlfriend got hit by a car and called me all whiney. I had to go pick her up.

Mattism #37

I cant stand the sound of a slamming toilet seat!

I refuse to put the seat down because I cant stand the sound. I bought soft close seats for the house. Even then, I hate touching them.

Mattism #36

I'm going as my girlfriends dad for Halloween

See my earlier posts about moustaches and how they relate to father figures. I now have a beard, that will soon become a moustache. Therefore, I will be my girlfriends dad for Halloween.

Mattism #35

That is a bad ass sock puppet!

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AC440k6iByA&feature=player_embedded

Mattism #34

About 2 hours after that beet salad, I was on the toilet and it looked like I miscarried!